No title.

Can't believe I am still bothered by that wow incident. Honestly, I don't think I have the right to be upset, but I am. I guess its because when I bid on the item, he didn't say anything and even the other person congrats me by winning it. And 20 minutes later he told the other person that they need to talk about class leader, like I wasn't there, and I wasn't in the consideration.
What is the point that I get on every night if someone can get it just because he is officer's friend? If I get on every night, paying my repair bill and time to help the guild doesn't mean anything, then what counts? If they want it to go this way, then I don't think I want to be in their game. However its not because I want to be a class leader or a council, I just want to enjoy the game without seeing things that are unfair. I know the officers are pretty annoyed by them, but they are not the ones who didn't get the gear, I am. Yes maybe I should say I am selfish, but who isn't? And I am only getting the stuff I think I deserve, my dkp proves it. Maybe leave the guild would really makes me feel better, but I always do things without considering the consequences. I guess I will wait about a week and see.

I dont' live for you, I live for myself

最近跟我美國的好朋友們講說我有打算搬回台灣了 (說是'們'其實也只有兩個..哈哈). 她們都說..不要回台灣啦,搬來跟我住,我好無聊.
老實說,第一次聽到他們這麼說,心裡覺得很爽.唉,其實大家嘴裡不說,其實都是很孤單的.不管你生活規劃的再充實,心裡還是很空虛吧.尤其是那個有男朋友的,其實老實說,我覺得他男朋友還好啦.至少很認真工作,也不會花心的樣子.不過她居然說,如果我搬去她那,那我搞不好也不需要我男朋友了.挖咧..怎麼覺得很像同性戀對話?
可是在想想,人還是要為自己而活啊.難道說我搬去她那以後,她可以一直跟我出去不管他男朋友嗎?他們都訂婚了耶~~她搞不好也只是一開始很高興,後來還不是都管自己的事?每個人結婚以後有了小孩,都會一直忙自己家的事,誰有空管你啊.唉,這裡真是一個悲哀的地方.尤其是我們這種心裡有中國傳統思想但是卻活在美國環境裡.如果一個不小心人生出了軌,真的很難挽回.我想我要回去的想法好像越來越堅定了.加油加油吧!希望再半年我就可以回去摟!

Just how much more of these can I take?

Guys now a days..really pissed me off.
To talk to someone with courtesy, is that really hard?
This stupid guy..calls me MM when he doesn't even know my name. Reading other people's blog he says I am peeking other people's diary. And he like to define Everything thing he is not familiar with. Are you try to make yourself sound smart? Cause you just sound plain stupid to me. Yeah you work in a good company..I don't give a ## about it. Why do I have to talk to you and piss myself off Just to make my mom happy? I can't just live in my own quiet life? Stop wasting my time!

Sun glasses

Today when I was working the light suddenly got turn off and on, cause coworker1 thinks its too bright. Then coworker2 walked by joked about it and turn the light on and off again. So I got up and said: "Man are you guys playing with the switches?"
Coworker 2: "Yeah she thinks its too bright, I think its ok."
Coworker 1: "Fine we will keep it this way then. I will wear sun glasses."
..........Funny coworker..

He doesn't love me enough

Recently I found a blog. The author likes to talk about relationships, kind of like sex and the city. Today I read one of her articles, she talks about some of her friends, they probably have been with their boyfriends for several years, but their boyfriends don't want to get married. When they finally broke up with them, for some reason the guys get married with the new girl friend within half year.
How wierd! They don't want to get married and now they get married that soon after they broke up with old girl friend?
The conclusion is clear, he doesn't love you enough.
After I broke up with my ex-boyfriend, this question really confused me for a long time. Am I not good enough? Am I too pushy? What is wrong with me for him not wanting to get married? For a long time, I always think its his problem, oh no his parents' problem. I always think his parents educate him the wrong way makes him so scared of commitment. So I kind of hoping he will never get married then one day his parents will realize they were wrong at the beginning and apologize to me..hahahah. I am mean.
But after reading the article, yeah its all clear now. He doesn't love me enough. It might seems like he loves me, but probably because I love him too much and I don't realize he doesn't love me as much as I do. And I thought I understand him, I thought he is the best guy I can meet, but thats what I thought when I was in love. Now its all clear. No, he is not the best guy, he doesn't have a clear idea where he is going. His thoughts always change after he talked to someone. If I am still with him, I will still be in the pain of the uncertainty for life.
Too bad this question still bothers me after I broke up with him a year ago. Maybe first relationship is always painful. Although I barely think of him, but sometimes I still wonder. I guess I think too much. Stop thinking stop thinking!

Home sick..

When I was in Taiwan, I am always surrounded by people. When I moved to America I was really happy that I can finally get away from all the gossip and talking...until I become one of those who lived alone.
At first, I don't feel anything. That was when I was still in the school. I even like that feeling. You have a quiet environment to study, you go out whenever you want, you stay late whenever you want. All I have to do is call my family once a day and tell them I am doing fine. You still have friends to hang out with.
After I graduated and everyone all moved back to their home country, I suddenly realize..no wonder having a roommate is so important to the life here! And you have to social very well. A lot of people can just talk to strangers for a long time without even knowing them. Sadly I just can't. I am always afraid people don't understand what I am talking about (which is true). I guess living in Taiwan is not a very bad thing anymore. You just carefully select your friends, and careless about the gossip around you. I know my personality, people will like me if I want to.
Sigh..miss Taiwan..Why do I have to have braces on my teeth! Now I have to stay here for another year..Haha maybe thats why they ask me to pay everything up front, I guess a lot of people backed out in the middle of it..:D

Commute to work

Yesterday after work, I walked to the bus station as usual. Suddenly a police car rushed towards downtown direction. Then another one. Then 2 police motorcycles. So total is like 6-7 police vehicles.
Ten minutes later..a police van rushed to the same direction. Something must have been going on...
Then no buses showed up for like half an hour, and of course when the bus finally showed up, its packed again. -_-. Every time this happens I always wish there is someone I can call to pick me up..
Turns out there is a downtown shooting incident. Too bad this is happening...

A litre of tears

Finish A Litre of Tears this Saturday, I was practically crying the whole last two episodes. If there is somone beside me they might think I am crazy..haha. Good to watch it alone.

However, this is a good Japanese drama. Can't say its my favorite, cause I don't like to watch crying movies/drama, but it does touch me. The girl has a strong mind, She wants to make her life worth it while she is alive. Sometimes I think what will happen if I am like that? I am pretty sure I won't be defeated by disease either, but I am not sure how long I can last. She actually lived 10 years. Think about 10 years with all the torture and the uncertainty about future.

I remind myself every once in a while that I am one of the lucky ones. I am healthy, my life is good compare to other people who has to struggle with disease or worry about food. However this might go aways anytime if something happen to me the next second. Live your life to the way you want to and enjoy every moment. Learn to appreciate the good things happening around you. Keep that in mind, you will see how great life is.

Someone translate some of Aya's diary. I might get a chinese copy myself too..

Diary of Kitou Aya